So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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