we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
