Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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