i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
