You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
