I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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