i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
