I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
