:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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