i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
