Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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