so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have fence marks all over my body
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize