Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
