The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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