Whod you bang
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
