wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
