We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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