i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
