my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
