Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
