Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
