.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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