i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
