I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
