i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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