woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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