i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
