On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
not ubering you a puppy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
