Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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