That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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