i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
