Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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