There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
