OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found your dick twin last night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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