just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
