Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
