So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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