sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
