We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
