She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
