did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
