Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
