Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
