Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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