I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
