that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
