I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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