lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
