i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
