Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
