Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
