I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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