It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You know, be my cock's hype man.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
