We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
