I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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