listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
