I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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