So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
