I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
