dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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