i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
