i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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