I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
