Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
