I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
