Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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