How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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