now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
