Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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