This girl is more easily done than said...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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