WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
