Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
