Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
